Sunday, August 10, 2014

To Those Who Are Searching For Happiness


It's the one thing people search for over and over again in their daily lives.  From work to friendship to relationships, there are many people who rely on outside sources to captivate them and contribute to their happiness.  I'm not saying that these things, and other external factors, are not influencers on the overall happiness of beings, but pure happiness must come from within ones self.  To know the bliss of happiness, you must know that happiness starts with loving yourself.

It saddens me to see that there are still people who are fulling relying on others or their relationships to bring them happiness.  I see people throughout my daily life and throughout my Facebook and Instagram feeds that use demeaning, self-loathing posts/statements indicating that their hate and unhappiness is steaming from the fact that they do not have a boyfriend/girlfriend or that their relationship is bringing them down.

I have one thing to say: 


Your happiness does not need to stem from another being. When you find true love, yes that individual will contribute to your happiness, but it all comes from you and what you make of your situations. I'm not saying I'm perfect at this; there are still times I let myself bring myself down; I fully acknowledge this and am working on it. 

There is no hiding the fact that I went through many periods of depression, anti-depression/anti-anxiety pills, and unhealthy lifestyles. Throughout my undergrad degree, I relied heavily on toxic relationships to supply my happiness. Clearly, that wasn't and wouldn't work. I went to therapist after therapist and was diagnosed with depression, then sever depression, then randomly... OCD.  Now, I do not deny that I have OCD tendencies, but I wasn't going to let any of those disorders, the SNRIs, nor SSRIs define me,  I wasn't accepting that I'd be using these pills or having any of these disorders all of my life. I had to find ways to gain happiness through myself to bring happiness to other aspects of my life. I've got 5 tips for those of you who are in the same boat or need some help.   

Start With Yourself 
I know you've probably heard this many times, but you cannot truly love another until you love yourself.  I know this first hand.  If you do not like yourself, your image, or the person that you are, you have to make the conscious decision to change yourself.  I've done it multiple times; I've tried to better myself then slipped back into my old ways. It took me nearly 5 years and many different anti-anxiety/anti-depressant pills to get to the point where I couldn't... didn't have to do it anymore. I could no longer rely on those daily doses of synthetic happiness to put a smile on my face.  I sat down, looked at myself, and figured out what I could do to keep myself happy.  I still have to do many things a certain way or my anxiety gets the best of me, but that doesn't get me down.

I started with mindset and worked my way from there. No more self-demeaning phrases, talking down to myself, or letting myself be sad over someone else's actions (I'll admit that last one still gets me from time to time.)  I'm working on my body now, which has always been a large factor in my happiness. It's not one of those "I want to look like the models" sort of mindsets. It's a want to be healthy that keeps me focused on my body, to increase my self-image. 

Find Something You Love To Do 
If you hate your job, find a new one. If you have a hobby, do it constantly.  My two loves (other than my cat and my boyfriend) are design and school. I'm a lifelong student. It keeps me happy while design keeps me busy.  Don't let yourself sit on the couch and age; before you know it, you'll be asking where life went. Get out and find something you love to do, and do it.  The two pictures below were two of the most impactful pictures I've seen in regards to changing my mindset:

Artist: Danger Dust 

Find Someone You can Confide In (BUT don't rely on them to bring you happiness) 
My Person? My mom.  She's my best friend and will be forever.  She knows more about me than anyone  and can give me some of the best, objective advice when I need it.  The whole cliche thing about you'll grow to love your mother, it's completely true. She's been their for me through everything, and that's what I recommend. If you've had someone there for it all, confide in them. Tell them secrets and don't hold what's making you angry in. 

Be Vulnerable
But stay strong. That's counter-intuitive, but it can be done.  With those who you're close, be vulnerable.  Allow yourself to open up and don't be afraid for what's going to come from your vulnerability.  But don't let those people tear you down too far; and don't let people you do not know or who are "meaningless" interfere with your happiness. Stay strong, but be vulnerable.

Be passionate and intense  
Whatever you do and however you do it, be passionate about it and be intense in your actions. Love intensely, feel passionately, action kindly.

PS: I do acknowledge that some people do need SNRI and SSRI pills. 

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